I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
