my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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