Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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