Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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