I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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