What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
