Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
