i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
