Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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