i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
