I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
