We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
