I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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