The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
