I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
