are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize