four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
