it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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