are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
