I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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