The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
