ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
