The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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