when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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