you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
