yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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