Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
