K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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