spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The air was thick with penises
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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