My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
