You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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