I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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