dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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