...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
