i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
