He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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