Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
