Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
