I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
