I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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