He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
me + whiskey = a bad person
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize