Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
