I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
