he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
