I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
