he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
