The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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