facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
