Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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