There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
