; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
