Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
