I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
