May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
