its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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