so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
