I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
