Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
