I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
