It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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