Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
