Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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